as the title suggests, what am ranting out here is actually nothing much but a bunch of thoughts that could not be shared with a single being i call my own, but desperately needed an outlet, which is why am putting them here.
been a while since i wrote and even longer since i actually sat down and made an attempt!
today a statement that i encountered made it imperative that i write here, because looks like am finally gonna get the freedom and space i fought for and now am not sure i want and hence my sole way to express will be this.
seems a little lonely and pathetic as well, this, writing for me to see and me to read and me to understand and empathise, but this is the best there can be, if i want to respect me.
to ask of someone to listen, to share with me my life, to understand and feel the way i do about me
is too big a risk to take and coward that i am this nagging silence is company enough.
this story of me, as crappy as it is, is still precious and at the same time something which i want to share but cannot for the fear of chains and bonds, if not rejection, and also for the basic lack of an audience who i can count on to value this enough and also the audience that i can value enough.
so sad as it seems, to wait is the only option i get to choose, for the audience i want i cannot yet decipher but am sure is not the one i have.
the exodus that has begun now causes me to wonder on the fate of two things,
1 will new winds come in to take the place that is empty or will there be vaccuum
2 is the departure really for true and is it the finality, or is life truly too long and will there be a chance not too long from now for which this vaccuum needs to be exist and no new winds should be allowed or should life move on in another direction and cease to hope the wind to turn back in this direction?
do i wait as well as move on, that is keep the space vacant and still build other bridges and bonds
or do i move on and away, looking back once in a while but never stopping to clean the dust and rebuild bonds of old
the first option would leave me hollow and the second sad,
both clearly display the want, but which is right and which is wrong
the threads are all muddled up in my head
and all because i do not have that single ONE being i call my own
but to call my own do i have me at all or is this too an illusion like everything else?
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3 comments:
..I .. envy you.
dont ask.
How crazy am I!! I dont know... I look at the post's date and its o'vious that this blog is an antique. shelved. I don have the faintest idea as to why I am writin what I am rite now. I have got things.... yeah..things to do.. but damn....damnnnnn I jus don feel like doin any of em. I have got frens to meet... hangout wth... muzik..movies n all..but aaarrrrgghhhh. noo!! now thats how I feel. Why???!! No Damn clue!!
Ever had that feelin??... like somethins inside n its not comin out... like you wanna go out and shout like hell...freak everyone out and get rid of it ...whatever it is.
Everytime I feel like that I come here n read this post of urs.. I know u don write anymore here..even so..the first thing I do always.. I mean whenever I come here is to look for any replies..an extra comment..
its like I am talkin someone ehre.. ok.... am goin out tonite to a party... an annual fest.. it was borin last year... lessee.. how it turns out this time..
suj...luv it!wish ud get back to writing!
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